i took a bath tonight

instead of a shower

i stayed in there for what seemed like an hour

it's raining outside

the water was warm

the water was calm

i got out feeling so good

i floated towards my bedroom

threw off my towel and threw myself on the bed

50 degrees and raining outside, no heat, naked, in my bed

this mysterious warmth inside of me kept me from freezing

i closed my eyes

why was i smiling?

as i started to drift into my thoughts on the way to sleep

i noticed this feeling in my chest

this thump that was dancing, i even felt in my upper back

i heard something

something i hadn't heard so loud in such a long time

i studied it

then it became a bit familiar

it was my heart beating

it was racing

thats when i knew...that i might be falling for you

that heartbeat will silence in due time

we probably won't be because you're too chicken shit to do anything

your insecurity and lack of aggression will equate to zero progression

and it'll just be a factor of what could have been

and you'll just be a fling on my list.

the end.

Stay outta my business. No?

Stay outta my business. No?

When it comes to goals and what I plan to do. I have learned to keep certain things to thy self! There are certain people out there that are literally bitter because their life did not turn out how they wanted it to and will do everything they can to belittle your ideas and discourage you. For me? It's worked, but only to a degree. Not everyone is a vulture though. Some people are actually giving you advice but that's when you have to look at them as a person and determine what their motives are from there. Usually, you can tell if a person is there to help or hurt. Are these people only giving you reasons why it won't work out for you? Are these people telling you how you can make what you're trying to achieve better? Or are they telling you both?

The people closest to you can be the most jealous, family included.

Some of us even try to keep all of our goals and plans to ourself but you have those people who stick their nose where it does not belong. Putting their negativity in all places you did not ask for it to be in. Constantly asking questions disguised as genuine concern when it's only an opportunity to find the next chance to bring you down. Call me a narcissist, but I never thought people actually cared about others to the point they would take out so much time that they could be spending on themselves to break others down. I don't.

Sometimes it's hard to contain your goals and ambitions and you wanna tell someone your idea so bad but just know who to tell it to. I have only two people that I know have my best interest at hand that I tell these certain things to and even then I never tell them everything (I just don't believe in doing that unless they're somehow involved). They give me constructive criticism which I take like a champ. In life, there are few people that genuinely want the best for you.

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

This year was literally a .... storm, as I like to put it.

My life changed just like I wanted it to at the beginning of the year.

As I get older my goals get bigger and bigger. It's scary. I think of all my magnificent plans for next year and think "This is huge, is this really what it's come to?" Or am I just being that good ol' dreamer. I'll see in 2012. I went from being stuck in the beginning of the year only focusing on the gym and boys to actually getting my foot in the door and providing a stepping stone for myself. (Had a wakeup call) One thing that is pissing me off though...

School. Must take care of that by next year, I have never been a school person unless it had something to do with English and the Arts. I'm not orderly either so that creates a bad formula for education but I am making due, done with my major requirements for this fall so now I just need to smooth out some kinks and figure what school I'd like to go to. I would love to go out of state but I have huge plans for Los Angeles. I'm into my major, but not into my major, therefore my approach to school varies. I know it's something I have to do though.

This year I got my foot in a door that I have never believed I would. I had an internship offer with MTV also but could not take that up for school purposes. (Glad I didn't! Way too busy) Which brings me to the current internship I have now and will have for a minute. Met the two greatest supervisors who give me life and two wonderful girls who inspire me. It's like a whole nother life when I'm out there, work overlooks the hollywood hills, we go to all of these cool events, not to mention I go to school nearby, so it's like I live a different way when I am on that side of town and then I come to this boring hometown, work, and live a regular life. It's all good, it pushes me.

I also said I wanted to change my circle this year. It did change, I don't have a "circle" now. Will later, it comes naturally. Social life suffered, but everything else went up big time. It's amazing how things happen when you meditate on it so hard.

What is so weird about my life is that my new year is literally a new damn year. It's so subconscious but it happens that way for me. Therefore I believe in resolutions because why? It works for me.

My resolution for 2011 is to finally put living my best life into gear, maybe not full gear, but A gear. The life that I have always dreamed of. A life beyond mediocrity. A life of happiness and profit, peace and progress. Ever have a great feeling about something but don't know what it is? That's exactly how I feel.

moon talk...

moon talk...

happy meal

that's all that was...

a happy meal.

:) In other news

I dream of quitting my job.

I dream of a day when I don't have to work orderly, predictable, usual, regular jobs

To be free so I could just do me

...but I understand that right now... I must do what I have to do to do what I want in the future.

Next year I must go out of state and eventually get to a point where I travel everywhere. It's an itch I need to seriously scratch. There's one place in particular that has been calling me ever since I was a little girl. It's a must do.

Lately I've been feeling Kid Cudi's album quite heavily lately. It definitely had to grow on me as did his last album. The more I listen to his music the more I realize how talented he is. I really did not mean to make this a blog about Kid Cudi but I realized he is doing something extremely different in regards to other black, male, artists in the game. His music is very reminiscent of a lot of 70's artist to me with the sincere captures of human emotion, stories, introspect, and honesty. This is also a very dark album so to speak in regards to the whole mood of it. You can definitely tell the changes in him if you listen to this album and listen to the first album. I had a moment where I got a little irritated with him because I felt he was not doing "real hip hop" but I decided to discount him as a hip hop artist and to just accept that he loves music and is an artist, which you can tell by his lyrics and melodies. With that said I have yet to listen to Kanye West's CD heavily which is pretty good also. I love Kanye but lately I've been really picky with the music I listen to. I really don't have the appetite to listen to braggadocios, oversexed, or violent lyrics...at least right now. That is not exclusive to Kanye West, just with other bullcrap that's out now. I'm just in a different phase in my life right now. I've been listening to a lot of Roy Ayers, Don Blackman, Gil Scott Heron, Sade, Maxwell, Theophilus London, Jon Coltrane and Duke Ellington...thinking, zone out, music. The only people hot right now that I can tolerate is Beyonce, Jay Z, Kanye and Wiz Khalifa.

With that said I'm gonna go take a bath, read, then sleep.

seek professional hel.p

seek professional hel.p

Someone told me "you're only 21"

That's not how I feel

Early this year I said that I wanted my life to be totally different by the time I was 21

and that it is

From doing nothing but work to having a new job

an internship

a major

a path

healthier

doesn't mean shit

but pat on the back to me for that

i look at that and think ... creating your own destiny can happen so why not leap for the biggest destiny you'd like to accomplish?

i'll meditate on that later

now a days i'm always doing shit "later"

i procrastinate with so many things in life

but never with my job, which i don't care for that much

i procrastinate with the things that i think are important

it's really all a bunch of bullshit

it's really due to the fact that my patience runs short with long term goals

i like thrills in my life

so when i have to let shit marinate i get bored and forget and slip

i knew that already though.

lately i have not been giving a shit about anyone but my sister

i want to love everyone

but life wont allow me.

later though... later.

i'm an asshole right now.

wanna patch shit up?

don't even think about it

grudges? no. i just don't care.

there is no beef, there is no cow cause there aint no hay stacks, there aint no farm

theres nothing

just matter of negativity

memories, black

so i want nothing to do with.

done.

i know you think about rekindling a spark

dead that

there are no fireworks, there aint no lighter, cause we dont match

anymore. i feel nothing.

most guys my age dont impress me anymore

they've become predictable and boring

just like you

your smile is ugly and your dick is small

you wont be shit in life

so i had to say goodbye

cause im very close to becoming the shit in life

but i feel like shit. zip zero. i smile though cause it aint because of you.

all of that is irrelevant though.

It's dark right now

but i always glow

i've been through this numb shit before

although its a shit hole

theres always that part in me that gets excited cause i know i brighter day is to come

went through it young

just anxious to know when the brighter side will be

thats what that is

im just waiting

didnt wanna end this shit on a good note

but fuck it

Sorry, don't wanna hear it.

Sorry, don't wanna hear it.

Maybe I'm just being inconsiderate.
But lately, well...for a long time now...certain people that I've decided to keep my distance with come in contact with me. I welcome them with open arms thinking maybe things have changed, maybe they have grown as a person...just keeping an open mind not quick to mentally say "great. have a nice day". & then...out of no where, ironically though, a very familiar place...comes the drama. Now there is good drama and then there's bad drama. There is drama that I have no time for anymore, drama that I consider very rude that these people expect me to find time in my busy schedule to call them just so I can hear this. That is the bad drama or the bad "news". When you ask them what is going with their life it is the same ol same ol. Love triangles, hood love, he said, she said drama. Now, everyone has one of those situations from time to time but when that is all there is to your life that is when I get disgusted. Why is it that everytime we talk it is always this. What else is going on? Are you learning any life lessons? Going through some changes? Growing as a person? What is really good? How are you growing from these situations? Would you like to find light in these situations or are you just bumping your narcissistic, self-sulking gums? Let's have something to talk about after we discuss other people. Let's talk about something other than love drama. Sadly, that's all some people, especially women ,know. If it's not gossip, it's minor relationship drama. Who are you outside of that?

So will you ever learn?

So will you ever learn?

Negative, negative.
I never remember you smiling
You never liked to smile
Don't smile in pictures, never happy
Always complaining
Each birthday or holiday when we ask what you want
Answers always nothing or to be happy
Yup. Routine, never remembered anything different.
Always doubtful
Argue with someone everyday
Trying to hit us all the time
Insults thrown weekly
When you say something positive you get looked at twice
When you do, you look like you're doing it because you have to
You try to shoot down any hope, any light, you see in us
You fuss when we receive things from that one out of pure love and appreciation because you think we do not deserve it
You think no one deserves anything because you think you don't deserve anything
And when one acts as if they do, and runs to you because they have done something great, and are proud that they can hold their head up high and they think you would be proud...you tell them why they don't deserve it
You pout all the time
It's always something from the time you walk in the door til you lay your head down to rest
We cannot hold a conversation without you constantly trying to make our opinions invalid
We cannot show an emotion without you constantly trying to make our emotion invalid
I cannot have a good day without you trying to make my good day invalid
You've told us for years that we're selfish, lazy, stupid. But in reality...you're the selfish one.
Tonight I was notified that you might be seriously ill
I went to you and tried to brighten up your horrible mood (despite the fact that you tried to pick an argument over nothing this morning) and asked you "why do you look like that?" and tried to talk to you.
Your answer was "Shit. Why not." and you rolled your eyes at me.
Your life might be in danger yet you still proceed to tear everyone down and not try to enjoy yours.
I will never be like you when I am 50.

and why do we (i) do these things

and why do we (i) do these things

Why can't we just be, why can't we all just be ?
In our world of competition...this is how we live.
Why must we play games?
Why is everything a race?

I have become very frustrated with the way I think, the way I view others, my cutthroat personality at times, what for ? why? I have to. "No you don't"

Survival of the fittest?

"It all comes down to survival."

sn: i realized today that i need a twitter...for the more simple, random thoughts of mine that id like to share. until i get a new phone, a new camera, a new computer though... i've been saying this forever

thinking music

thinking music

for the few followers, I love Jhene

Change

Change

I always thought change could be good
But is it good when it happens so fast, rapid, dramatically, that you don't recognize a lot of stuff you used to and it becomes a task to stay "grounded"?
I don't know...
Sometimes that dramatic change could have just been an epiphany huge enough to knock you out for a second then you wake up, realize nothing was what it seemed or there is something to be done with urgency...time to start from scratch again and that by itself can be a little strange.
I don't know.
A change different from a pre meditated change in where the change you planned on comes quicker than you think and takes on a life of its own and leaves you no choice to stand but back and just let it do it's thing ....for the action of interference might mess with your blessings that you do see coming to life. & the question is constantly asked "What are you gonna do with me? Am I really gonna go where it looks like?" but one must trust and learn to let go. A change such as this for someone who is used to having a grip on when things stop when things go can be really strange.
I don't know...
Sometimes you surprise yourself ...and keep surprising yourself to the point where the next possibility seems too good to be true...you're expecting the unexpected from YOU...which is weird because you've always expected what was to be expected and the expected was always the worse. Isn't it better to expect the worse?
I don't know.
When you start all over with a blank sheet, something you thought you never would be doing and you see things start unintentionally going in the direction satisfying to your needs all along...it's like life telling you "Before this...you were wrong...you were wrong about them, you were wrong about this, you were just wrong." That's strange in the beginning...it makes you question what if what I am doing right now is "all wrong"? The answer to that is to not be too concerned...You were wrong, past tense. This is the present, this is right now which means you're right now. Live in your past and you'll always be wrong. Hmmm....

That's life...most things that might have been right in the past are more than likely gonna be wrong in the present, that philosophy is your future, and somehow all of these factors create the perfect formula to learn from...that concludes to no right or wrong answer, but an answer nonetheless. I'm learning.

Monogamy Pride

Monogamy Pride

Someone once asked at the end of the day does monogamy come down to pride?

I believe it depends on the individual but I say for most definitely yes.

Some would say respect but that’s here nor there

I was sitting down one day thinking about the word “cheating” in relation to love

Which implies that love is a symbolic game of some sort

Cheating implies that someone is breaking certain rules to get ahead and win

Why is that term used with love?

Are two people competing to win something?

Why is love seen as a game, which calls for competition, which consists of pride?

Then cheating occurs which hurts that pride?

Does it all come down to pride?

Or is it that most of us are unable to separate the two?

Untied Shoe Strings

Untied Shoe Strings

Don’t leave too many untied shoes in life for untied shoe laces get tangled, the more tangled shoes the harder you fall, the harder it is to find the right laces to the right shoes, the harder it is for you to tie a pair and walk on…which lets you move on. Don’t walk through life with untied shoes.

Color Genics quiz , take it

Color Genics quiz , take it

Color genics is a test that requires you to pick certain colors that you feel "in harmony" with from most to the least, after you are done it will give you an analysis on yourself and your life as of now & maybe a little advice. I've done this four times simply because the first time I did it it was accurate as hell. So I always come back from time to time and do it to see if the test gets it right and it always does. It's interesting. I decided to take it this morning out of boredom and was pretty impressed with what I saw. I'm making fast progress in my life all of a sudden and it is reflecting that whereas the other analysis of the test that I took when I was in a "funk" so to speak reflected it as well. It's less than 2 minutes to take. Just pick random colors to your liking bam, you get results.

Take and see

Here's a snippet of my analysis:

"Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions."

illuminati mess.

illuminati mess.

I'll start by saying that I love Kanye West's 'Power' video. It took a minute for me to figure the video out but then I watched his U-Stream and he explained how it was basically his favorite works of art coming to life. I am pretty sure there is symbolism involved one way or another but he also said that he likes his videos conveying multiple meanings to suit the opinion of whoever is watching. So it can be very subjective. My take on it, long story short, power can kill you. That's what I got from it. There are those that think this video is utterly stupid and there are those that think it's genius. I love it.

Then you have those that holler Illuminati, mason, devil worshiper when they see the video. Now-a-days people are hollering that when they see any video. I just had a conversation with a friend about this. All of this hype going about is actually making me very concerned. As someone who believes that there is definitely a hint of truth to some of these theories, I am still concerned about people going crazy over such a thing. It shows that most of us have this craving to cling on to a certain belief or take a certain side that we will hold on to anything that is thrown at us. Forget extensive research , this person said it so we're gonna believe it! That seems like the logic that is going on which only proves that we can be so robotic at times. So sheepish.

A lot of these people know nothing about masonic degrees, the difference between masonry and Luciferianism, they only know what is being preached to them either by a preacher or the average Joe on Youtube. They think everyone is a Mason in the industry and that's THAT. It's not that simple but we think so cause our minds are so damn simple. My question for all of the quick believers is that if there's an agenda behind all of this Illuminati propaganda that is out to get you then what?

What was funny was when I was having my conversation with my friend, he could point out who were "Masons and who were not", and how Jay-Z is this and that (I think people give him too much power with all of this illuminati hype) but knew zero about the Real I.D. act or any laws that were rumored to being passed which will sacrifice our freedom in the future that are part of these NWO conspiracies. The hilarious thing is these political conspiracies have more to do with Masonry + illuminati than any of these celebrities do...but no, we're too busy worrying about what these musicians are doing. If something were to go down in this world, the Illuminati enthusiasts would not know because they are too busy deciphering these celebs and the hand symbols they are throwing up. Best believe if we were all going under at the hands of a group of people in power lady gaga, jay-z, and kanye will not be it. Unplug yourself.

TV Talk: Reality Rocks!

TV Talk: Reality Rocks!

Reality TV fan convention to launch in L.A.

Reality Rocks Expo is Comic-Con for unscripted television

Snooki is getting her own fan convention.

The Hollywood Reporter parent company e5 Global Media is launching the first major reality TV conference where fans can browse an exposition floor, meet their favorite reality stars and perhaps get cast in a series.

Titled the Reality Rocks Expo, the event is conceived as a sort of Comic-Con for unscripted television, and its advisory committee includes some major names: Mark Burnett Prods., Shed Media, LMNO Prods., CMT, Oxygen Media, Casting Duo, Sundance Channel, RDF USA and A. Smith & Co.

Reality Rocks is set to take place April 8-10 at the Los Angeles Convention Center.

"It's the only place where they can get up close and personal with their favorite stars from reality, lifestyle, factual television as well as the producers who fill their TV screens with interesting, entertaining and informative programming," said Amy Freeman-Cohen, co-managing director of Reality Rocks. "They may even get a shot at being cast on one of their favorite shows."

Added David Eilenberg, head of development and current programming at Mark Burnett Prods.: "Reality Rocks is destined to become a signature event for reality TV. We relish the opportunity to connect with our amazing fans and give them the opportunity to connect with all the great on-camera and off-camera characters of our genre."

Although there have been modest efforts to create reality TV conferences, Reality Rocks is the most ambitious attempt yet to create an annual fandom convention aimed at the unscripted television genre.

Reality Rocks will include a show floor, live demonstrations, stage performances, celebrity panels and an online Reality TV Awards voted on by fans and held at the event.

"This is a unique opportunity for the networks and producers to connect with their fans on a whole new level, and maybe even find the next great show or personality," said Bailey Beeken, vp of the film and entertainment group at e5 Global Media. "Measuring the excitement and engagement of the fans during the expo gives the producers and networks real, experiential feedback as they head into the May sweeps and before many of the new season's shows kick off."

(source)

If you're into reality television like I am, this is an interesting event that you must attend if you are a fan of reality TV. This convention will include all reality show genres from food to just plain old "real life" reality. As someone who was responsible for printing as much press that I could get as soon as the press release occurred, I saw a lot of good and bad feedback but the best thing was the exposure and press that this event is getting [HUGE and it's only been some hours]. I've had an awesome time with the research & development of this project and will have more greater times with the production. I can only think of the things that will go on with all of those reality stars under one roof! Hit up Realityrocks.net to request certain people you wanna see at the event! :)

facebook.com/realityrocks

twitter.com/realityrocks

realityrocks.net

Sade, sade, sade

Sade, sade, sade

I have always loved Sade from the first time I heard while sitting in the backseat of my mother's then Mitsubishi...on the way to the middle of nowhere. Not only that, I am realizing in my better age that she is the epitome of class...not only that she is unbelievably beautiful. You ever see someone with such a strong aura that it glows from inside of them and just pulls you in. She can do that from the stereo and the television. Something inside of me has always clicked and said "hey I like her". I really do admire her, especially in her past days. VH1 Soul was playing all of her videos and I ran across a video that I have never seen before and she looked flawless. I never really appreciated this song then but I can totally understand it now. I was about to turn until her face popped on the screen ;) She's BEAUTIFUL!

& then what do you know Ciara's "Ride" video is on (which I do like) but it's sad, all that pussy poppin, extravagant hair, makeup, accessories, risque clothing, sexual lyrics and she still doesn't look half as beautiful as Sade did in this video. Not nearly as sexy either. None of these starlets are, actually. Isn't it weird how that goes? But then again it's like that outside of television too.

inspiration

inspiration

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” - Mary Anne Radmacher

Love her YT Channel

The only unrealistic dream is a dream that is not being put into concentration.

13.

13.

Random BS for the day :)

When I was 13, I thought Beyonce was the most beautiful, talented thing walking on this Earth
Now: She's still great but I'm not obsessed...by a long ass shot lol

When I was 13, I thought I was in love
Now: I'm in love with my dreams and fell out of love with that thing a while ago

When I was 13, I had discovered N*E*R*D
Now: I'm a full blown fan

When I was 13, The Blueprint II was my favorite album out, Jay was my fav rapper
Now: He's still one of my fav rappers, I used to go hard for him back in the day

When I was 13, I used to make my shirts tighter by putting a rubber band around the back end of my shirt and rolling it under

Now: The shits tacky! Saw someone with their shirt like that at my job...w/ a hair tie...are you still serious? I didn't have enough body to fill out a loose shirt for a while so I always liked tight shirts and tight clothing until I blossomed a bit.

When I was 13, I loved Timbs ( had em in all sorts of colors), Jordans, button ups, and bubble jackets
Now: I'll do some sneaks or chucks here and there but it's mainly sandals, flats, and heels.

When I was 13, Bow Wow - Baby seemed like the soundtrack of my life
Now: I realized I was being very dramatic and he's a cornball to me.

When I was 13, My parents bought me a charm bracelet from Tiffany's that got stolen
Now: I feel bad about it and don't understand why my parents weren't mad

When I was 13, I was a vegetarian
Now: I'm trying (struggling) to get back to those good eating habits

When I was 13, I wanted a dude like Scarface
Now: I can see the point in that long lecture my mom gave me when I told het that

When I was 13, I was still playing video games
Now: Nope.

When I was 13, I had a lot of guy friends
Now: They don't exist and it's damn near impossible to maintain one without someone catching feelings.

When I was 13, I couldn't even imagine talking to a guy 2 years older than me and up
Now: I love older men.

When I was 13, I sat both of my parents down and explained to them why I will be having a boyfriend even though I was not allowed to & how it was needed.
Now: I never even got with the dude

So many other ridiculousness occurred at that time.
If my 20 year old self could tell my 13 year old self some things it would be to not lose her academic determination (I cared about good grades at that time), beware of who I befriend, and rise above the drama and negativity that was occurring in my life at that time. Lots of stuff I could not control was going on including non sense that I could have. I used to be the sulky type. Glad I learned. What would you tell your 13 year old self?

Tabi Bonney - Superhero

Tabi Bonney - Superhero

Saw this video on MTVJ and instantly loved it. I was wondering who it was and figured it was Tabi but really hoped it wasn't because I will always remember this corny song he put out eons ago

Therefore this spoiled the video and song a little when I found out who he was. His sexy swag in the first video had me fooled.

So Far Gone

So Far Gone

I made a decision today that I was gonna cut a very, very, big part of my life off today. Part of my life meaning a person. I just made a decision that I was finally gonna do it. Dead weight has been an issue for a long time and I don't like to waste time. But I noticed that that is the goal of toxic people, to cling on to you so that when you decide to let their ass go...it's one big guilt trip involved. Association is everything to me right now. I've managed to clean out everything, everyone else that I wanted to BUT this person who I should have gotten rid of so long ago, the most disruptive key factor in this growth process of mine. This change is so good but I have them around reminding me of a past I would like to let go of. The change is good for me but I have them clinging for dear life saying that it's not. No... my change is good for me, it's bad for you because you never thought about me in the first place, it's all.about.you. which is why you're not in the mix now. It's kind of like an abusive relationship when that person knows that they need you more than you need them, but they're fucking up, so in fear of losing you they butter you up & do things to make you feel sorry for them and make you stay. Well the cycle has to break someday or else it can kill you & I wanna live cause I have so much ahead of me. They say love who loves you not love who says they love you...but the fact is...they're not beneficial PERIOD.point________.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching for a while now and have been figuring a lot of things out which I really don't even have the time to freakin do right now but I gotta do it all now before things take off later...right now while my life is still has a slight rhythm where I can slow down and process everything. It's still hard because while I would like to sit and ponder on him, her, this, that... there's UCLA, MTV, internship, current internship, get another job that I have to worry about. I honestly think that's why a lot of people who rise to the top lose their damn minds, it happens so quickly, so much to worry about business wise but no time for personal issues, we all have issues & you gotta take care of em one way or another.

My life is very weird right now because I am still living the same but then I'm getting a taste of the life I wanna have, the success I wanna achieve, it can make you feel very weird as if you do not know exactly where you're at. You see your life changing, you see yourself changing and it's so different from what was but then again it's not. So close but so far. I feel kind of disconnected to a lot people from the past and my old self but fuck it, it's change, it's change that is needed in order to survive and continue. Drake - So Far Gone is a soundtrack to my life right now that has ALWAYS been an album that was dear to me but now...wow. It's exactly how I feel.

No Clue.

No Clue.

I was watching Eve's Behind the Music episode today which was really good and inspiring. She was talking on how naive she can be in regards to people and their intentions & since she thinks people are generally supposed to do the right things or use common sense she thinks everyone thinks the same so in turn they do the same. Everyone knows this is not true and even she does but sometimes I can be this same exact way. Not necessarily naive in that aspect but when it comes to people and doing dumb shit. Such as lying about your life online. I had no idea that there were so many people that did this that I know (that's what it was) until a few people have told me "stories" about it and the more stories I hear, the more I'm worried (not really). From what I'm hearing this lying usually takes place in status updates on twitter and facebook (mainly) & that blows me away even more because you are connected with people that actually know your ass. What the fuck and why? Some of us, esp our generation, are so obsessed on keeping up with the jones' that we will definitely lie about our possessions and portray the lifestyle of lavish whereabouts & $$$ just to impress one another. Oh, and what's really bad about it is that the people we're trying to impress are people we do not like. Now that I think of it I actually knew someone who posted about he/she being out of the country all the while they were 20 minutes away. I can't lol....I just can't. I thought this was a rarity but according to gossip it really isn't. It's funny and sad at the same time. Goodness, the stories I'm hearing.

Creating a physical facade is one thing, it's not healthy, but it's not that crazy as someone talking about certain far-fetched purchases and activities that they really don't have and are not doing. My naivete with these kind of situations is when I think that no one in their right mind would wanna do these things because at the end of the day it's still you and your normal little self and that should make someone feel so phony but I guess not. & yeah okay, these stars do the same thing but they get paid to sell fantasies. It's just like the people that live beyond their means just to appear that they "got it" and are in debt or really have nothin in the bank (I can go on about these damn people). Some people really believe in fakin it. Shits funny.

Sometimes I wanna just book a flight to the city (outside of my state) of my choice and start a new life. Not because I hate life here but because it's just something I want to do. Start from scratch, with nothing, no job over there, no home, and see what I can make happen. It's cool to know that there are actually people that do these things...but I'm actually acquiring some cool opportunities, tiny, tiny steps are being made but considering my goals... anything tiny can take you a long way when it comes to what I'm trying to do. I noticed that I dream BIG. I have never had "normal" goals and sometimes I wish I had and I've tried to but it's just not for me. I ended up clueless and it's okay to be clueless sometimes but a lot of us are only clueless because we know the answer but are afraid of taking the certain steps needed in fear of failure or just plain old laziness. Big dreamers who actually go after their dreams are the bravest people to me. They have so many people telling them 'this and that is usually impossible to achieve unless you do/know this or that' but they say "fuck it" and go for it anyways. Thing about these dreams that are scary is that they aren't that safe...it's either a big win or a huge fail. Doesn't mean you cannot get back up though. Big dreamers encounter so many doubters in life for not being typical or "Realistic" but always remember not to let the simpletons take over your judgment. It's not worth it. I always end up posting about things I didn't intend to. SMH.

Random YT Cmnts: Lot Brawl

Random YT Cmnts: Lot Brawl

I try to avoid these types of videos nowadays simply because it makes me feel horrible. Of course they can be entertainment (we're all human and that's why most people love these videos) but at the end of the day there is always a lesson to be learned about videos showcasing fuckery, well at least in my world. The sad thing is when the person who I got the video from is usually putting it on blast as if it is a good thing i.e. "bitch gets her ass whooped!!" I've already talked about this issue in a previous entry and can't get that much into it right now because I have somewhere to go but I always take interest in Youtube comments of a video & decided to post some.

Random Youtube Cmnts:

"The police are tied up trying to moderate protesters of a (supposedly racially charged) manslaughter verdict so....LET'S GET US SOME BLACK ON BLACK VIOLENCE! Watch as Pregnant high hos get punched and kicked by other hos and a pimp! and when the police show up well."FUCKZZ DA POLICE! YA" Where is the condemnation from within the black community of this type of stuff? You never hear it. Its always someone else's fault."

"I would like to say this is a shocking video, but sadly there is an endless stream of this, i could probably continue watching video after video of grown people acting like animals on youtube. And I try not to be a racist man, because PC wants me to call a spade an earth removing tool. So I will just state an observation. The vast majority of these videos are of 'african american' people."

"The best part about this whole video is the guy filming it. I just love black people! <3 "

"Sad that this is during the Oscar Grant verdict."

"i dont see black people. i just see a whole lot of uneducated, proud, dumbasses out on the streets doing what stupid people do when they get in fights... they doing and saying dumb shit. jackasses around the world are doing this shit. its no wonder shit si so fucked up."

"This proves that 95 percent of blacks are ghetto! "

"You don't touch a nigga's car, yet it's ok for a grown man to knock out a pregnant woman?" "

If you try and hold these people and their culture accountable, you are labeled a racist. The left is responsible for the destruction of their values, their culture, and their communities. Has big government solutions to the black community's problem since the civil rights era improved their situation? No. The left encourages hatred of whites and white values in order to create an obedient voting bloc. The leftist media never reports this point of view which is espoused by many blacks. "

Full Circle: The Media & our Moods

Full Circle: The Media & our Moods

Sometimes I wonder with this little world we live in...how much impact does the media really have on our lives? I already know that answer.

• If we turned on the news tomorrow and they were rejoicing on how the recession has magically ended & everything was going to be okay would everyone think the same?
• If we turned on the news tomorrow and they posted a warning about a growing nation wide panic regarding food shortage, how many people would get up and start looting and rioting for food just because "they" said it?
• With all this 2012 propaganda being displayed I honestly think there are gonna be a bunch of foolies the day 2012 strikes or Dec 21 2012 arrives that will cause some chaos to come into existence.

I was talking to a former news reporter the other day who was very tight lipped about why he/she resigned but one of the reasons was because of the Terrorism/Sept 11th scare. He/She was being told to report false news, exaggerated news, all sorts of propaganda to scare us. The purpose of it and my opinion is a whole 'nother entry but it's amazing how they had the country shitting themselves every morning when they would report the security color of the country. I remember when it would go from blue one day to orange the next day and me being the perceptive teenager I was at the time, it would scare me and I would wonder how in one day can we be free of a terrorist attack then we're capable of a full blown terrorist attack the next day. Just thinking back on that it was so ridiculous, the Osama Bin Laden videos (are we still looking for him?), the "Shock and Awe" coverage when we were going to war, them telling us the color codes regarding the security of the country but not telling us exactly why and how it got to that point for that day, Bush and his "we're gonna kick their ass" speech it was just one big freakin circus. Now you rarely hear about terrorism compared to the previous decade. What happened all of a sudden? Just like you don't hear about swine flu unless they feel like bringing it to the platform...what happened to that?

I'm pretty sure any smart person can differentiate between sensationalism and realism but there are still a lot of people out there that trust what anyone on the television is telling them. Why is it that we are so quick to trust these people feeding us information on the television without questioning or doing extensive research? Because I have definitely been that person at one point and can still be that person. Reality is reality, period, we are not in that good of a place...it is what it is but it's always good to question what is being fed to you.

We're living in a world now where we cannot trust anything unless it is validated by someone behind a television screen or a computer screen. For ex: my friend was talking to me about a woman who saw with her own eyes the twin towers being destroyed but she had to turn on the television to verify if what she was seeing is real. A lot of us have this mentality! How many of us have not trusted what a person said they were up to because it was not posted via facebook,myspace,blogger,twitter,aim etc? Human v Machine, that's what it's coming to these days and ironically our actions are reflecting it

Bluntcard.com

Bluntcard.com

Drake: Do it all

Drake: Do it all

"gettin stupid paid off of smart decisions"

Supposedly off of an un-official mixtape, No More Thank You's. The beat is everywhere but I like it regardless because of the content. One thing that irritates me though is the lack of effort in his voice lately. Is it just me or does it sound like he's sleepy and does not feel like recording? Partly the reason why I was not thanking Drake for his recent album [might as well talk about it]. Now THAT could have been a way better album for so many reasons but it was mediocre and Drake is not a mediocre artist to me (at least not yet) therefore mediocre is something I can't stand to hear from him. He is rumored to be releasing an official mixtape though and if there is truth to it (which I doubt but we'll see) then I am beyond excited.

Hair makes a difference

Hair makes a difference

Hair can make or break an outfit, that's my theory. For about 5 months now I've been giving mine a rest and letting it grow without cutting it into a style or doing all the other things I do and I hate it! Some days my outfit is just not complete because the hairstyle that I have & I noticed the same thing with this pic. 1.) I love Cassie 2.) Her hair is so fuckin G I dont care what any one says! I seem to be the only one amongst my peers that loves the side shaved hair, I LOVE IT! Anywho, the outfit looks 10x better than when she had the boring black hair. She's beautiful nonetheless.

TV Talk: Chad & T.O.

TV Talk: Chad & T.O.

Aw shoot! If anyone still knows me they know or they will know that I have a little thang for Ochocinco a.k.a. Chad Johnson. Not a football fan whatsoever (Bball chick over here) so it's not about his game I just find him to be beautifully designed in every aspect so naturally I was stoked about this show. Now I was not really excited about the idea of him having a dating show but just because I can see more of him, that's basically it, I think dating shows take away the celebrity of the actual celeb...it cheapens them.

In a nutshell this show was a sleeper. Of course though, like every black woman watching it, I noticed the extreme lack of black women in the final rounds (only two or three made it). Which makes me question that quick rumor that was out about him not wanting that many black women on the show. No shade at all, that's his preference. I'm not about to sit over here and lose my cool or sleep over it like some will. Furthermore, these chicks are kind of boring and I get them confused with one another because they all look the same (making this show a sleeper). I do have favorites though like Rubi and the chick that ran track. Other than that... Zzz.

The T.O. Show opened with Kanye West's Coldest Winter which was an instant win for me in my eyes. Mo & Kita should mind their business at all times. Real Brief:I was waitin for T.O.'s lips to get crusty in that cold ass snow. & This dude doesn't know where the hell his heart is Buffalo or Cali, hotel or Mo & Kita's houses, chick 1 or chick 2, he doesn't know what to do...and that's what makes the show a little interesting. SMH at him sending a package of his own stuff to chick two's house just to see her...somewhere someone watching that picked up that idea.

Yogi-ism of the day

Yogi-ism of the day

The rhythm of life is when you experience your own body, mind, and soul

Most definitely. Are you experiencing all of those three? Your own? Usually, as humans, we lack one of three. If we're experiencing our own bodies, we're not experiencing out own minds. But I do think when we experience our own minds then the soul and body will automatically come into play, depending on the mind of the individual. I tend to think in general we all have great minds but you have to activate it. A lot of people don't because of fear and conditioning but those that do are very lucky.

What is Yogi-ism? Yogi-ism comes from Yogi Tea, which I drink religiously. I have to drink at least a green tea everyday, without sugar, cold or hot. It just does so many good things. I just love herbs in general. I discovered Yogi Tea a while ago when I was on the search for some REAL tea (but I've had more potent tea now). Yogi Tea is one of those teas with a naturally good taste and they have different teas for different purposes. The tea bag comes with a saying on the tag and I loved these so much that I thought I'd share and blog about it :).

sn: I ran across some cool blogger template sites, someone asked where I got my layouts from I usually do my own but this one was downloaded and then tweaked. Here's some good links:Link 1 Link 2 Link 3

streetsy.com

streetsy.com

While I was interning yesterday I ran into streetsy.com & wooow. Streetsy.com is a site dedicated to street art and if you're like me you're a fan. I don't see that much out in CA but maybe I am just not around the right areas. The only street art I see is the hood graffiti on the walls. Some mural's here and there and Obey stickers but not a lot of street art [maybe I should research]. Cali's landscape and decor doesn't really fit for street art like in these place [In the photos: Philly and London]. We do have galleries dedicated to street art (but of course right?) A lot of people see it as vandalism and I can see where that comes in but for the most part it looks good to me. But I'm the type that sees too much perfection and thinks "boring" so splattering paint on the walls is my speed. Besides what's a city with character without inspirational, meaningful street art. I think it reflects some kind of consciousness and culture.

I'm in need of some peace and that is what I have been trying to get. Most of the rushed feeling I get is all of my fault [such as going to bed around 3 when I know I have to wake up at 7] but I love it. That's the thing sometimes, even when I feel the most "blah" about my life the most I love it! Right now I am at a very low-key point in my life because I'm spending my time trying to stand out to very important people. I am at my busiest and I love it because I can remember I time when I was not and I craved to be. Working at a job I dislike now, interning, sending cover letter and resumes, school, working out, trying to eat right, trying to sleep on time, trying to save money, oh yes and trying to keep my sanity, it's a task that causes me to go M.I.A. at the moment but I wouldn't have it any other way... only more which is only better. I noticed that I am so contradicting, I love inner peace with outer "chaos" & by chaos I mean having a lot going on -> getting a lot accomplished. This is neither here nor there

I'm planning on blogging more and using this for business purposes which is in development also. Also planning on blogging more about things that I like...as I planned but shit happens. I'm super busy and not like those people that claim they're busy but are only going to school and "busy" occupying facebook and twitter. I'd never thought it was possible to be to be too busy for those things let alone reply back to a text message timely. Until then more about more later, it's 3:10am and I gotta wake up tomorrow.

"Trying to tear down the past prohibits you from building up your future. So for my time here, my physical will be confined to the yard. My love and my spirit, however, know no boundaries." - Dwayne Carter

I saw this quote on this site and it moved me a bit.
Love and spirit.... no boundaries.
I have accomplished my spirit having no boundaries
But love...no
I've never even given it any thought until now
& from now on I'm gonna try to love with no boundaries
Those that do are the most fulfilled

he's back.

he's back.

"now this'll be a beautiful death.... jumpin' out the window, lettin everything go...."

Supposedly a single from his up and coming album, "Good Ass Job". It is said to hit stores in September. I will never forget the third row seats during the Glow in the Dark Tour. Best concert ever.

i used to fake sick for this

i used to fake sick for this

Because when I would come home Nick Jr. just was not on. Mom would pick me up from daycare at in the evening and of course there were times for Rugrats and the like but shows like Little Bear, Franklin, and especially Blue's Clues were crack to me back then and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I was a little girl.

No doubt when I was actually sick it was the best thing on earth. Bed, Nick Jr., mom's catering to me. Yes.

The feeling I got knowing faking my sore throat worked when the nurse called my mom to pick me up was euphoric. I would sit on the cot and just smile to myself, yes, I get to go home.

Moms would pull up and I'd try so hard to fake it, get in the back seat of her then Mitsubishi and ride home. She would see me smiling and ask "why you smilin? you aren't sick." Whatever, we're home already. Hopped in the bed watched Nick Jr. and when that went off it was onto BET for the music videos :) Back then when it was channel 23.

& Thou shall get over it. Right? Right.
"I don't work my ass off to stay the same" and that is how it shall remain. Furthermore...

This internship is something that I am very excited about but has me feeling high and low, well, overwhelmed. Things are looking up and when you get that one thing that allows you to get your foot in the door it is so refreshing. It's like a room that you want to stay in but don't know how to get in, you finally get a key :D & I'm just excited to get a peak into the entertainment world.

With things like this come obstacles and people that think that you're on your way to fame and money (fame is not what I strive for and I am no where NEAR the entertainment glam world) so they hop on the bandwagon. I've heard "get me my own reality show/show" 5 times when I have broke the great news to people that were close to me. "I'm about to be famous" I just wonder what leads people to think it's about them ? ... and where they pick up the nerve to say that. That's not how you get what you want!

Theophilus London

Theophilus London

listen

listen

STFU and watch the game

STFU and watch the game

Man, as I was sitting and watching the Thunder v. Laker game with my fam I started to think about the majority of females I have watched sports with and how irritating they can be. These are the types I've run across:

1. The blabbermouth
As a Laker fan, I have had my share of females who have jumped on the Laker-hater boat & have expressed to me that they don't like the Lakers. Cool. The problem is when the shit-talking gets so rampant that they're not even watching the game. They don't even care about the game, they just wanna talk (and yes... females...we like to talk). It doesn't stop there though, they make juvenile comments such as "aha that's why he didn't make it" and repeat the same sentiments over and over. You can't even hear the audio because they're talking so damn much.
All logic FLIES out of the window when their mouth opens. Almost every "laker hater" female fan has used Kobe's run-in with the law as a justification for not liking the team. As if that has anything to do with anything.

"Yeah that's what you get for raping that girl"
"I don't like the Lakers because of Kobe, he cheated on his wife"
Is what I hear 98% of the time when he misses a shot, or when the team has a bad day. WTF does that have to do with SPORTS?

Yea, everyone has that constant shit talker when it comes to sports but please keep it in sports, and know how to shit talk. I can appreciate a true team hater. Not one that's not into sports at all so they pretend to be involved, just don't say anything at all and maybe you'll learn something.
STFU and watch the game.

2. The one who gets mad if you ignore them or cut them off
Maybe I'm conditioned and I've gotten used to the days when I was a little girl and I would ask my dad or my bro a question and they were hypnotized by what was going on. I understood and I did even more when I got into watching sports. It's nothing personal, sometimes folks are just into the game. I usually get back when a commercial is on & sorry if I cut you off from talking about that one bitch we don't like with my yelling about that unfair foul call. "It be like that sometimes" :\ Just stfu and watch the game with me.

3. "Omg, it's not that serious" "Omg, you are really into this"
Yea dummy. Now, stop studying my excitement like a science project, stfu and watch the game.

Black People, what was that?

Black People, what was that?

Some things should not be discussed on national television.
Although I was working while it aired, I get disgusted at things like this.
Our culture is way too exploited sometimes. Blacks are in a dire need of cultural privacy.
This is not the first time I've heard about a debate airing on national television about "black issues"and most of the time it's a debate regarding black men v. black women.
Whose bright idea was this and how is this helping the black community?
What about a show consisting of a panel discussing black on black crime, why it's so high, and what we can do to put a stop to it?

This airing on television is not going to miraculously bring a companion to these "successful black women who cannot find a man", this airing on television is not going to solve anything. It is only going to encourage more finger pointing and ignite more arguments about how "black women don't do this" and "black men don't do that". To be honest with you, I did not even know this was an issue until the media hype began, then I kept seeing television segments with 3-4 "successful" black women" explaining that they cannot find a man. Now all of a sudden ALL successful black women have this problem and now we have ABC doing a damn segment on it as if it is really that important! Which brings me to this question: Why is it EVEN an issue? There is a reason the media keeps beating this dead horse. There are so many more issues going on within the black community that this being top priority is just silly.

What is even more silly is that usually [if not always] there is a non-black person behind these specials. What really irritated me is when I saw the headline followed by the question "whose to blame?" Really? Why must that be the object of the debate? I'm tired of networks exploiting "black issues" for money. Aside from CNN's Black in America segment, these debates airing are nothing but a play on the black community's insecurities (particularly black women) and will do nothing but divide us even more. The people who participated are even more at fault. I am not saying the argument is not reasonable, but it should not be discussed on national television because more than half of the people that tuned in don't give a damn about black women being single or black people in general, it's all for their entertainment. It is entertainment.

Cmon now, the least we can do is have this type of "face off" (as they called it) on a black channel such as TvOne. I'm sayin!

I have so much more to say about this, I will later but bottom line:
Talk to me when a debate about how to stop certain issues that endanger the black community is discussed rather than whose to blame between black women and black men for these issues.

Self improvement

Self improvement

I'm focusing on being the smartest, prettiest, sexiest, most intelligent, prosperous, motivated, happiest woman that I can be...not that others can't be...but that I can be.

Self improvement is just that: self improvement. Not self improvement in comparison to others. I learned a while ago that constantly comparing yourself to others is for the simple minded. When you start thinking about other people in the mix that's when things get a bit toxic and you start failing to live for yourself.

I hate titling my blogs.

I hate titling my blogs.

I also hate that when I say the word hate...certain people respond with "hate is a strong word"
So is love. So think about that the next time you throw the word around.

I always wonder what makes a person so unhappy with themselves that they have no control to stop the energy from coming outwards and submerging other people with it. Everyone has that person they know whose insecurity shines so bright that it can definitely blind you if you let it. Learn when to turn these people on and when to turn them off for these people obviously lack a certain truth that you possess: one cannot come up by trying to bring others down. You either bring em down or you don't. When one gets to the point of trying hard to break someone because they are unhappy with themselves then the joke is instantly on them. Just laugh and keep it movin'. They're wasting all of that energy focusing on breaking others all the while failing to take care of the broken pieces inside. Sure enough they'll self-destruct.

"I love everybody"

"I love everybody"

I wonder about people that say that.
It's because everyone I know who says that does not show love to everyone, only one person I know can say that.
You love everybody but you just sat up here & made fun of someone?
You love everybody but you're sitting up here plotting on someone's demise?
You love everybody but you're about to "beat that bitches ass"?
The list goes on.

I notice the people that say this are the same people that backstab and screw people over on the low. They are also very, very selfish. Just an observation. They're the first ones that pop up in my head in regards to being scandalous and unacceptability. Usually the first to judge and the last to really be there for someone. Again...just an observation, maybe it's different for you and yours.

I find that most, if not all of these people I know that say this are Christian and just being self righteous. Yknow, trying to appear "christ like" and because "that's what the bible says". Practice what you preach. Thanks.

The only time I've said that is when someone asked "do you love me?" & I'm sure you can guess why.

I will make this clear, I don't love everybody. It's hard for me to even say that I love someone.
I do not like everybody. I am comfortable knowing that there are people in my life that I don't wanna deal with or have anything to do with. We can co-exist but I don't like you, I'll keep it movin. I definitely expect everyone to treat me the same way. I do, however, believe in peace. I give everyone peace unless I have to defend myself in whichever way. I don't like you, but I'll leave you alone. I don't like you, but I won't cause you any harm. I don't get along with everybody and I'm content with that but I will give them their peace. Saying "I love everyone" is a stretch, a big stretch. I see the good and the bad in people.

me & her have something in common

me & her have something in common

I'll rarely blog about fashion because...well...that's so typical of me to do.
Plus everyone has a fashion blog now so there's many to count on.
Everyone that knows me knows that I have been a huge fan of Rihanna's style, lately...not so much. Too much going on or too little. But someone else has taken the cake, Cassie!! Each photo I've seen of her she's wearing something so boss. I love it.




& me and her have something in common



GOLD
I'm becoming a born-again fan of gold accessories, gaudy gold, bold gold, "i got $$" gold. In a land where every other accessory is punk rock silver chic this is refreshing, I love it, and am copping a few pieces myself. The pink & black is coming back I see! I planned to pair my gold accessories with this pink sweater/cardigan w/ black sheer chiffon sleeves that I recently purchased. It's a good look.




& did I mention I love this girl's style?



Work!

$$, dreams, and all those things

$$, dreams, and all those things

I regret rejoining facebook but the good thing about the internet is that it is a choice. I can abandon my account and never check back in like always. The fuckery is abundant. Yeah, I'll remain lowkey. My facebook is contained mostly of people I went to school with and honestly, I could care less about their status' that I can hear about from a mutual friend. The people I'm concerned about, I talk to off of facebook or haven't even added them yet.

What am I up to?
My main focus is $, school and my dreams. Establishing a better connect to get my foot in the door. Hopefully seeing NY this year. All the while trying to have fun... can't forget about the fun. Can't share too much about my "master plans" until they actually start coming alive but I will say that I know where I wanna be now, know what I wanna do, know what I have to do and who to talk to. I expect my life to be totally different by the time I enter 21, from the people I'm around to the places I've been. So that's what I've been up to: Change. Making it happen. Putting things in motion. School is paramount though.

"Don't share your dreams because a hatin ass bitch will try to fuck up your sleep."

Not a quote from me but it's very true.
I learned to not to depend on other peoples opinion on whether I can do it or not. I can't afford that. Right now, the only people I'm concerned about talking it with are those that can offer helpful feedback and give me resources. I don't care if anyone 'agrees' or 'disagrees'., that ain't enough. I've heard some people talk to me about great things going on in peoples life saying alot of negative things, just raining on that persons parade. Just keep silent while you put things into motion. Alot of you thought I was being funny when I put that quote in my away message but I was dead serious & the person that said it was too.

The thing about dreams is that the plan is not for you to stay asleep forever. But some people will try to mess up a good nap in a second. After you're done you wake up with a great vision and you make it happen. My eyes have been opened.

The world is in your hands.

insomnithoughts

insomnithoughts

Ever since I could remember I've lived with the idea that "nobody cares"
There's a lot that caused that but that's a couple of long stories

Some people really take their problems in vain
Every away message, facebook status, and tweet is about a damn problem
Never anything optimistic, never a good day
The cries get more foolish when they don't get the attention they want

Where was I going with this...

At the end of the day
Nobody cares
You can feel sorry for yourself and stay on the ground
Aint no one gonna pick you up
& if someone does get you up
it's only temporary
something else is gonna kick you down
you need to learn how to stand on your own, stand your ground, and get right back up when you get kicked down
Cause at the end of the day nobody cares
It's all on you...to love and care for yourself

Thos

Thos

Those that define themselves by what they don't do are pitiful. They play the moral police and are always "looking for a cookie" for every damn thing. This is a pet peeve of mine. I used to be like this eons ago when it did not matter & of course I was a young girl so I still had that "gimme a treat" mentality so that was excusable, but then... I grew up. Trust me, these people do not like themselves, are not comfortable with themselves, and don't know themselves. I can't imagine being the same way and in the same place as of now. Yet, I have people my age or older that act this way. This is not Kindergarten, grow the hell up! I stopped being obsessed with being a goody two shoes a long time ago.

Who cares if you don't have sex?
Who cares if you don't drink?
Who cares if you don't smoke, cuss, miss church, etc?

A lot of these people ridicule others for doing simple things, that are not hurting anyone, people that like to live. Believe me, it's jealousy. They fear they're missing out, but their so damn stubborn it's hard foe them to loosen up.

Moral of the story: If you've got it, you won't have to prep your rep and define yourself by what you don't do.

*smile*

*smile*

Thinking about the people that are currently in my tight knit circle. There are those that are great and there are those that truly matter, the one's where if you take out of my life, I would not know some of the things that I know now , have some of the characteristics that I do, or remember such events that make up my life...but this is about them, the others, and everything else... as always.

"I'm happy for you"
To be happy for someone is truly a gift. It is not something that everyone can do. Most people cannot be happy for another person. Some fail to see the goals that their peers are achieving and the happiness that their peers are experiencing as a push for themselves, a surge of postivity, or for what it is. Some will go as far as cognitively making excuses to support their "facts" of why the person does not deserve it. To be happy for someone is most def a virtue. It takes so much out of some people to admit that someone close to them is doing big things.

I look at people who are currently in my life right now and love to see the things that are being accomplished. It feels so good to see my friends blossom into adulthood. It's amazing to see someone you grew up with get over and get through the things we stayed up on the phone all night thinking we'd never get over. We're no longer silly little girls and one by one we are accomplishing our dreams. Through thick and thin you should always try hard to keep your relationships with these types of people. There's no other people that can tell me what was going on with me then and can tell me what's going on with me now.

and i'm sleepy and lost my train of thought (watching Wayne's behind the music)

truth.com

truth.com

via Kanye

via Kanye

something he posted on his site...i am honored that i went to his glow in the dark tour. Click the image to read it all.