So Far Gone
I made a decision today that I was gonna cut a very, very, big part of my life off today. Part of my life meaning a person. I just made a decision that I was finally gonna do it. Dead weight has been an issue for a long time and I don't like to waste time. But I noticed that that is the goal of toxic people, to cling on to you so that when you decide to let their ass go...it's one big guilt trip involved. Association is everything to me right now. I've managed to clean out everything, everyone else that I wanted to BUT this person who I should have gotten rid of so long ago, the most disruptive key factor in this growth process of mine. This change is so good but I have them around reminding me of a past I would like to let go of. The change is good for me but I have them clinging for dear life saying that it's not. No... my change is good for me, it's bad for you because you never thought about me in the first place, it's all.about.you. which is why you're not in the mix now. It's kind of like an abusive relationship when that person knows that they need you more than you need them, but they're fucking up, so in fear of losing you they butter you up & do things to make you feel sorry for them and make you stay. Well the cycle has to break someday or else it can kill you & I wanna live cause I have so much ahead of me. They say love who loves you not love who says they love you...but the fact is...they're not beneficial PERIOD.point________.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching for a while now and have been figuring a lot of things out which I really don't even have the time to freakin do right now but I gotta do it all now before things take off later...right now while my life is still has a slight rhythm where I can slow down and process everything. It's still hard because while I would like to sit and ponder on him, her, this, that... there's UCLA, MTV, internship, current internship, get another job that I have to worry about. I honestly think that's why a lot of people who rise to the top lose their damn minds, it happens so quickly, so much to worry about business wise but no time for personal issues, we all have issues & you gotta take care of em one way or another.
My life is very weird right now because I am still living the same but then I'm getting a taste of the life I wanna have, the success I wanna achieve, it can make you feel very weird as if you do not know exactly where you're at. You see your life changing, you see yourself changing and it's so different from what was but then again it's not. So close but so far. I feel kind of disconnected to a lot people from the past and my old self but fuck it, it's change, it's change that is needed in order to survive and continue. Drake - So Far Gone is a soundtrack to my life right now that has ALWAYS been an album that was dear to me but now...wow. It's exactly how I feel.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching for a while now and have been figuring a lot of things out which I really don't even have the time to freakin do right now but I gotta do it all now before things take off later...right now while my life is still has a slight rhythm where I can slow down and process everything. It's still hard because while I would like to sit and ponder on him, her, this, that... there's UCLA, MTV, internship, current internship, get another job that I have to worry about. I honestly think that's why a lot of people who rise to the top lose their damn minds, it happens so quickly, so much to worry about business wise but no time for personal issues, we all have issues & you gotta take care of em one way or another.
My life is very weird right now because I am still living the same but then I'm getting a taste of the life I wanna have, the success I wanna achieve, it can make you feel very weird as if you do not know exactly where you're at. You see your life changing, you see yourself changing and it's so different from what was but then again it's not. So close but so far. I feel kind of disconnected to a lot people from the past and my old self but fuck it, it's change, it's change that is needed in order to survive and continue. Drake - So Far Gone is a soundtrack to my life right now that has ALWAYS been an album that was dear to me but now...wow. It's exactly how I feel.
