lol.

lol.

i have to vent & put this negative shit into the universe. i mean hey, it's a gloomy day, why not?

i'm not angry

i'm just disgusted

at your cheap look and cheap looking crew

i'm not that superficial

but i see you

still trying to get put on

still trying to convince every one that you're on

that you're fly

you're not

you're a chicken

you roll with chickens

chickens can't fly

i see em, lookin for a come up

chasing ballers

you all

have watched way too much basketball wives

way too much bad girls club

way too much real housewives

way too many kardashian episodes

after you dissed me and acted as if you were above

you're too grown

honey, please

why?

because i'm not in v.i.p

because you never see me?

because i work where i do?

if you only knew

the few very important people that know me vs. the average many that know you

yea, so fuck v.i.p, jet setting, and such

i am here

on my shit

you are still...spending your time trying to LOOK like you're living a certain way

you are still...boasting about your haters and the many that wanna be like you

you are still...doing young girl shit

you are still...competing with others

you are still...posting shit to impress people that you don't like

you are still...caught up in 'swag'

it's cool.

that was me once

and i dropped your ass cause it wasn't about to be me anymore

and i regretted it until i saw that...you are on the same ol shit

you remind me of those girls that try so hard to look like money but end up looking a cheap, ghetto, excessive mess. it's weird cause you're so caught up in this swag shit and you look like that. smh. you try too hard. you and your ghetto fabulous crew.

last winter i met up with a CEO of a sports/entertainment management company to discuss a possible opportunity. someone you probably would have bent over for and spread your nasty ass legs over. anyway, he spoke of people "rotating at the bottom", those who think they're getting to the top but are just rotating at the bottom...all you baby girl. He wanted to fuck, i said no thanks. I should have gave him your number.

and if you knew about all of this you'd probably be in my face again

i'll keep it movin

i'm not too good for you

but you thought you were too damn good for me

you had life fucked up

music and my life.

music and my life.

my speech class buddy asked if i blog

i said yea

she said do people read

i said no

it's kind of like how we write in our notebooks, we know no one is gonna read this shit

i got followers on tumblr though

class was over

over to anthro

where i would daydream about the bomb ass music i discovered!

i love jhene's new mixtape, "sailing souls". I've liked her ever since her "No Love" days with B2K.

In other news, I am on the late train but this hip-hop collective from Los Angeles called OFWGKTA, is about to takeover very fast and I am happy because it shows that the game is about to change really quick if they're received well. I mean come on, Beyonce, The Neptunes on the bandwagon? Labelheads reaching out to em. Kanye hailing this as the video of 2011:

and then there's the R&B side of this collective which gives me life

Downloaded both mixtapes of these individuals. There are way more artist in this collective but these are my favorite so far. The industry is in dire need of change from the overtly sexual songs, club songs, bitches and hoe songs, hood songs, poppy songs. This collective is a breath of fresh air to me.

spiritual equal.

spiritual equal.

we are so free minded

we belong to nothing

we belong to everything

we belong to no specific religion

we belong to no body

you loved me, cause i set you free.

not too sure if you were the one for me.

do we belong to eachother?

don't know

don't care

time will tell

you're the only one who had me , cause you actually got me

you're the only who got me, cause you actually had me

me...ME

took me as i was

everyone else...has tried to mold me into this, that, make me believe this, that. ask me why this, that, give me ultimatums, trap me

you just let me be

they told me to hold on

try back

get back

fuck that.

"something like that?

rare

act like you care."

but i know

and you know

that if it's meant

it'll be

i let it flow

you let it be

we don't need answers, we don't need promises, we don't know time.

others try to hold it down, twist it, not broken but they still try to fix shit...

give eachother limits...

cause that's how it's "supposed to go"

we despise that word

that was our "problem"

i don't know.

don't care.

time will tell.

so the fuck what and what the hell is your problem?

so the fuck what and what the hell is your problem?

woke up this morning

from the eventful night i had in regards to my internship

yeah

from 5 star hotels, 5 star dinners, important people, getting paid for 15 minutes more than you make in 1-2 days to this...

now the morning is fine

i opened up my windows, played my favorite tunes, and just vibed

but as time approaches

i start to lose my peace

i start to lose my freedom

it gets closer to the time i go in for my actual "job"

and all i can think is "i'm sick of this shit"

i've been working for 2 years and for one year it has come to the point where these jobs are a waste of my damn time.

what fulfillment can i get out of picking up shit for people and helping them get to their fitting rooms

snooty ass people

"but you're making money"

so the fuck what

this money is not enough to accommodate the precious time i've been wasting, i could be working towards something else from 2 damn 30 to 9 damn 30

and honestly what the fuck is their problem thinking someone wants to be stuck in that same spot for that damn long. why would you do that to me? what the hell is your problem?

love my manager, but i despise her, like...seriously, this is your life. this is your life everyday. I don't wanna be like you in a couple of years. But then again not everyone wants to do what I wanna do.

My mother, does not understand why I put more energy into something that gives me life than something where i am behind a damn podium for 8 hours. Because she's simple ass minded and does not know how to live only survive. Fuck that. I was complaining how i was not looking forward to work her response was "make that money girl", i'm not a fucking slave, what the hell is your problem?

this will be the last of this shit!!!

i'm a free ass spirit

and if i have to bum it out and cater to my dreams so be it.

wrong

wrong

that's not what i wanted

no.... it wasn't what i needed

that was just an intermission

...cause i felt defeated

tried to give you the impression everyone was leavin

show was over

i would go backstage, undress, go home, and sleep well.

But no.

Everyone's gone

The lights are off

I'm in the dark

Still on stage

Acting

Like i don't care.

Trying

to get to the bottom of this.

And I finally did.

It's time...to begin, the long process

Of taking off my costume, packing up, and finding my way back home

Cause my bus is gone.

It's great cause I need nothing I came with.

It was a rough ending

Started new beginnings

Hard time mending

That broken heart of mine...

Cracks still remain

But there is no pain

I confuse wonder with regret

What if we're not done yet?

If you came back would I even wanna get

you back.

Short lived

But you made me live

Like no other.

Topped every bar that was set

From the last one and yet

I still

couldnt get it right.

Set the prerequisite for that rebound...

Happy cause I found new ground...

Became engulfed, cause he also was before you...

"Yay, we're back on"...then it dawned on me that he wasn't you.

He had no clue

I did neither

Made me realize

Me and him didn't have the same eyes

We didn't see things the same way

Thought I let go of yesterday

and i did

but your impact still lived.

& I thank you for that

Ran away and i never looked back.

You made me realize and require a more deeper connection, introspect, and made me grow. You don't even know.