Change

Change

I always thought change could be good
But is it good when it happens so fast, rapid, dramatically, that you don't recognize a lot of stuff you used to and it becomes a task to stay "grounded"?
I don't know...
Sometimes that dramatic change could have just been an epiphany huge enough to knock you out for a second then you wake up, realize nothing was what it seemed or there is something to be done with urgency...time to start from scratch again and that by itself can be a little strange.
I don't know.
A change different from a pre meditated change in where the change you planned on comes quicker than you think and takes on a life of its own and leaves you no choice to stand but back and just let it do it's thing ....for the action of interference might mess with your blessings that you do see coming to life. & the question is constantly asked "What are you gonna do with me? Am I really gonna go where it looks like?" but one must trust and learn to let go. A change such as this for someone who is used to having a grip on when things stop when things go can be really strange.
I don't know...
Sometimes you surprise yourself ...and keep surprising yourself to the point where the next possibility seems too good to be true...you're expecting the unexpected from YOU...which is weird because you've always expected what was to be expected and the expected was always the worse. Isn't it better to expect the worse?
I don't know.
When you start all over with a blank sheet, something you thought you never would be doing and you see things start unintentionally going in the direction satisfying to your needs all along...it's like life telling you "Before this...you were wrong...you were wrong about them, you were wrong about this, you were just wrong." That's strange in the beginning...it makes you question what if what I am doing right now is "all wrong"? The answer to that is to not be too concerned...You were wrong, past tense. This is the present, this is right now which means you're right now. Live in your past and you'll always be wrong. Hmmm....

That's life...most things that might have been right in the past are more than likely gonna be wrong in the present, that philosophy is your future, and somehow all of these factors create the perfect formula to learn from...that concludes to no right or wrong answer, but an answer nonetheless. I'm learning.

I'm in need of some peace and that is what I have been trying to get. Most of the rushed feeling I get is all of my fault [such as going to bed around 3 when I know I have to wake up at 7] but I love it. That's the thing sometimes, even when I feel the most "blah" about my life the most I love it! Right now I am at a very low-key point in my life because I'm spending my time trying to stand out to very important people. I am at my busiest and I love it because I can remember I time when I was not and I craved to be. Working at a job I dislike now, interning, sending cover letter and resumes, school, working out, trying to eat right, trying to sleep on time, trying to save money, oh yes and trying to keep my sanity, it's a task that causes me to go M.I.A. at the moment but I wouldn't have it any other way... only more which is only better. I noticed that I am so contradicting, I love inner peace with outer "chaos" & by chaos I mean having a lot going on -> getting a lot accomplished. This is neither here nor there

I'm planning on blogging more and using this for business purposes which is in development also. Also planning on blogging more about things that I like...as I planned but shit happens. I'm super busy and not like those people that claim they're busy but are only going to school and "busy" occupying facebook and twitter. I'd never thought it was possible to be to be too busy for those things let alone reply back to a text message timely. Until then more about more later, it's 3:10am and I gotta wake up tomorrow.