Change

Change

I always thought change could be good
But is it good when it happens so fast, rapid, dramatically, that you don't recognize a lot of stuff you used to and it becomes a task to stay "grounded"?
I don't know...
Sometimes that dramatic change could have just been an epiphany huge enough to knock you out for a second then you wake up, realize nothing was what it seemed or there is something to be done with urgency...time to start from scratch again and that by itself can be a little strange.
I don't know.
A change different from a pre meditated change in where the change you planned on comes quicker than you think and takes on a life of its own and leaves you no choice to stand but back and just let it do it's thing ....for the action of interference might mess with your blessings that you do see coming to life. & the question is constantly asked "What are you gonna do with me? Am I really gonna go where it looks like?" but one must trust and learn to let go. A change such as this for someone who is used to having a grip on when things stop when things go can be really strange.
I don't know...
Sometimes you surprise yourself ...and keep surprising yourself to the point where the next possibility seems too good to be true...you're expecting the unexpected from YOU...which is weird because you've always expected what was to be expected and the expected was always the worse. Isn't it better to expect the worse?
I don't know.
When you start all over with a blank sheet, something you thought you never would be doing and you see things start unintentionally going in the direction satisfying to your needs all along...it's like life telling you "Before this...you were wrong...you were wrong about them, you were wrong about this, you were just wrong." That's strange in the beginning...it makes you question what if what I am doing right now is "all wrong"? The answer to that is to not be too concerned...You were wrong, past tense. This is the present, this is right now which means you're right now. Live in your past and you'll always be wrong. Hmmm....

That's life...most things that might have been right in the past are more than likely gonna be wrong in the present, that philosophy is your future, and somehow all of these factors create the perfect formula to learn from...that concludes to no right or wrong answer, but an answer nonetheless. I'm learning.

Self improvement

Self improvement

I'm focusing on being the smartest, prettiest, sexiest, most intelligent, prosperous, motivated, happiest woman that I can be...not that others can't be...but that I can be.

Self improvement is just that: self improvement. Not self improvement in comparison to others. I learned a while ago that constantly comparing yourself to others is for the simple minded. When you start thinking about other people in the mix that's when things get a bit toxic and you start failing to live for yourself.

$$, dreams, and all those things

$$, dreams, and all those things

I regret rejoining facebook but the good thing about the internet is that it is a choice. I can abandon my account and never check back in like always. The fuckery is abundant. Yeah, I'll remain lowkey. My facebook is contained mostly of people I went to school with and honestly, I could care less about their status' that I can hear about from a mutual friend. The people I'm concerned about, I talk to off of facebook or haven't even added them yet.

What am I up to?
My main focus is $, school and my dreams. Establishing a better connect to get my foot in the door. Hopefully seeing NY this year. All the while trying to have fun... can't forget about the fun. Can't share too much about my "master plans" until they actually start coming alive but I will say that I know where I wanna be now, know what I wanna do, know what I have to do and who to talk to. I expect my life to be totally different by the time I enter 21, from the people I'm around to the places I've been. So that's what I've been up to: Change. Making it happen. Putting things in motion. School is paramount though.

"Don't share your dreams because a hatin ass bitch will try to fuck up your sleep."

Not a quote from me but it's very true.
I learned to not to depend on other peoples opinion on whether I can do it or not. I can't afford that. Right now, the only people I'm concerned about talking it with are those that can offer helpful feedback and give me resources. I don't care if anyone 'agrees' or 'disagrees'., that ain't enough. I've heard some people talk to me about great things going on in peoples life saying alot of negative things, just raining on that persons parade. Just keep silent while you put things into motion. Alot of you thought I was being funny when I put that quote in my away message but I was dead serious & the person that said it was too.

The thing about dreams is that the plan is not for you to stay asleep forever. But some people will try to mess up a good nap in a second. After you're done you wake up with a great vision and you make it happen. My eyes have been opened.

The world is in your hands.

insomnithoughts

insomnithoughts

Ever since I could remember I've lived with the idea that "nobody cares"
There's a lot that caused that but that's a couple of long stories

Some people really take their problems in vain
Every away message, facebook status, and tweet is about a damn problem
Never anything optimistic, never a good day
The cries get more foolish when they don't get the attention they want

Where was I going with this...

At the end of the day
Nobody cares
You can feel sorry for yourself and stay on the ground
Aint no one gonna pick you up
& if someone does get you up
it's only temporary
something else is gonna kick you down
you need to learn how to stand on your own, stand your ground, and get right back up when you get kicked down
Cause at the end of the day nobody cares
It's all on you...to love and care for yourself