moon talk...

moon talk...

happy meal

that's all that was...

a happy meal.

:) In other news

I dream of quitting my job.

I dream of a day when I don't have to work orderly, predictable, usual, regular jobs

To be free so I could just do me

...but I understand that right now... I must do what I have to do to do what I want in the future.

Next year I must go out of state and eventually get to a point where I travel everywhere. It's an itch I need to seriously scratch. There's one place in particular that has been calling me ever since I was a little girl. It's a must do.

Lately I've been feeling Kid Cudi's album quite heavily lately. It definitely had to grow on me as did his last album. The more I listen to his music the more I realize how talented he is. I really did not mean to make this a blog about Kid Cudi but I realized he is doing something extremely different in regards to other black, male, artists in the game. His music is very reminiscent of a lot of 70's artist to me with the sincere captures of human emotion, stories, introspect, and honesty. This is also a very dark album so to speak in regards to the whole mood of it. You can definitely tell the changes in him if you listen to this album and listen to the first album. I had a moment where I got a little irritated with him because I felt he was not doing "real hip hop" but I decided to discount him as a hip hop artist and to just accept that he loves music and is an artist, which you can tell by his lyrics and melodies. With that said I have yet to listen to Kanye West's CD heavily which is pretty good also. I love Kanye but lately I've been really picky with the music I listen to. I really don't have the appetite to listen to braggadocios, oversexed, or violent lyrics...at least right now. That is not exclusive to Kanye West, just with other bullcrap that's out now. I'm just in a different phase in my life right now. I've been listening to a lot of Roy Ayers, Don Blackman, Gil Scott Heron, Sade, Maxwell, Theophilus London, Jon Coltrane and Duke Ellington...thinking, zone out, music. The only people hot right now that I can tolerate is Beyonce, Jay Z, Kanye and Wiz Khalifa.

With that said I'm gonna go take a bath, read, then sleep.

seek professional hel.p

seek professional hel.p

Someone told me "you're only 21"

That's not how I feel

Early this year I said that I wanted my life to be totally different by the time I was 21

and that it is

From doing nothing but work to having a new job

an internship

a major

a path

healthier

doesn't mean shit

but pat on the back to me for that

i look at that and think ... creating your own destiny can happen so why not leap for the biggest destiny you'd like to accomplish?

i'll meditate on that later

now a days i'm always doing shit "later"

i procrastinate with so many things in life

but never with my job, which i don't care for that much

i procrastinate with the things that i think are important

it's really all a bunch of bullshit

it's really due to the fact that my patience runs short with long term goals

i like thrills in my life

so when i have to let shit marinate i get bored and forget and slip

i knew that already though.

lately i have not been giving a shit about anyone but my sister

i want to love everyone

but life wont allow me.

later though... later.

i'm an asshole right now.

wanna patch shit up?

don't even think about it

grudges? no. i just don't care.

there is no beef, there is no cow cause there aint no hay stacks, there aint no farm

theres nothing

just matter of negativity

memories, black

so i want nothing to do with.

done.

i know you think about rekindling a spark

dead that

there are no fireworks, there aint no lighter, cause we dont match

anymore. i feel nothing.

most guys my age dont impress me anymore

they've become predictable and boring

just like you

your smile is ugly and your dick is small

you wont be shit in life

so i had to say goodbye

cause im very close to becoming the shit in life

but i feel like shit. zip zero. i smile though cause it aint because of you.

all of that is irrelevant though.

It's dark right now

but i always glow

i've been through this numb shit before

although its a shit hole

theres always that part in me that gets excited cause i know i brighter day is to come

went through it young

just anxious to know when the brighter side will be

thats what that is

im just waiting

didnt wanna end this shit on a good note

but fuck it